Reflections

It has been a rainy week - had a false alarm last wk on a possible buyer for my house. This person in trying to get a govt loan had them inspect and when looking at their inspection results I am very bummed about the potential of even selling my home. I know it needs work but this is the home that we shared our live with and it is way more than these strangers have labeled as not worthy. I am not sure what to do at this point. I so miss Chuck to talk things over. I have no one with whom I can confide in and know they will help me to honestly make a decision. The decision is whether I sell it possibly at breaking even or should I try to rent? All I know is that I want to start taking control and living and not feeling like such a loser living with my daughter. It is strange how just this feeling of being worthless and having my home considered a shack has come about by putting it up for sale!
Sometimes I wonder if I put too much on The Lord to take control of my life. I am abit angry as I have so prayed for so long for help on this and maybe this is my answer. Maybe there is no buyer, maybe I am to quit my job and move home and work at McDonalds, or maybe I will become more ill here real soon and not have any longer to enjoy good health and working. All these things go through my head. There is no way anyone can know what all I have inside my head. As much as I am told to live it to the fullest there is always that obstacle or two I seem to run into and either I don't know how to handle it or I am just too naive to figure it all out!
I find myself becoming abit bitter over it all and this is not what I want at all..............

CHANGE

In October 2011 I left Wellendofr ENT to go work at The Iowa Clinic in West Des Moines as receptionist. I had so prayed for the opportunity to find another position somewhere else and am so grateful and as always, the good Lord came through for me! I enjoy the people I work with and enjoy the company. Am living with Kalie in her apartment with her room mate for what I had hoped would be a small amount of time! It is now March and still I am living w/my daughter. My house has been up for sale and as much as I try to be patient and trust in Him to take care of me, it is so stressful certian days and weeks. I am going home on the wk-ends and enjoy having my home to relax in and do what I want to do. Honey is staying with my good friend Debbie in Pocahontas and I miss her so and she must be so confused!! Patiently we wait for that certin person to come and see my house and just know it is the one for them! I love my home, I have mixed emotions on selling it. This is the home I fought so hard to get to raise my girls in, this is the home they have grown up in! But it is just a house and wherever we all end up together is where we will make our home. I need to focus and know I need to sell and move on and leave that behind as this is where the job is. Lord give me strength.

ONE FULL YEAR

Wow, it is March 20, 2012 and where has the time gone? I know I am not much of a blogger as you can see for yourself with a year going by! I reflect on the past year and I have lost a dear friend, confidante and brother in law to lung cancer. Chuck was always someone I could talk with about anything and he always had advice or words to help console, comfort, or whatever was needed at the time. He was so brave and such a man of strength to go through his battle without complaint. But it was so sudden and so much went unsaid, although I feel he always knew how I felt about him. He is dearly missed as a male figure in my life as well as the girls.